Monday, October 13, 2008
I am wearing a mask
School sucks today, everything sucks. In the morning the whole class came to school early as we thought our class will start at 8, instead it started at 9..stupid lah, make us go to school so early for nothing. And our new timetable really sucks, 3 days of 8 to 5 again, i am gonna die...This semester we are going to take 4 new modules, that are Hospitality Sales & Marketing(HSM)(Elvin Tan), Life Skills(LPD)(Saadiah), House Keeping(HSK)(Deon Goh) and Entrepreneurship(EPS)(Francis). I see liao i sian -__- ...sigh...its gonna be tough. But i will just have to go on, go all the way ba:) Had assembly then we were dismissed, went to JE to eat with Tofus, then head home:) I hate school nowdays..:( And i feel that our class is different its not the same anymore, the atmosphere is different, just one holiday changed everything.
A mask is an essential thing i need now, when i go to school. When i stepped into school today i thought that everything will be ok, i don't have to scared, but actually i am just bluffing myself. Actually feel scared when i am steping into the canteen as i am afraid that i will see him, but luckily he is not there..phew... The laughter and the smile i had on my face just now were all fake, my heart is hurting badly inside but i don't want him to see it, so i have to put on that 'happy' mask in school. I really feel terrible putting on that mask, i have to smile even when i am crying inside, fuck...it really hurts..
I thought that i will be able to hide, but i still broke down before school ends and in front of them...i tried my best but still i just can't. I am sorry tofus, i really cnt take it anymore, my tears are flowing out just like that again, and i am back to where i was 2 weeks before. I feel like crying again again and again, i thought i had move on a little but the truth is i am still hanging there. When i saw him again today, i know i still love him, although i hate to admit to it, but i still love him...i don't know why...
What makes me feel worst is that he is behaving as though nothing happen, i should have expected that because he is not true to me and the relationship he had with me for that one month plus is just nothing to him and i am not his girlfriend just a girl friend or a substitute. I really wonder if there are any more good guys out there or any guy that will accept their girlfriend as they are...fat and ugly...Or they need a pretty girlfriend so that they will and can love them more and to show people that they have a pretty gf?
Wearing a mask to school everyday will be tiring, i look forward to the day that i can laugh and smile happily without faking it in front of him. Will that day come? And Tofus i may be shedding tears just anytime anywhere, don't be surprised ok...but don't woory about me i just need to cry it out again and i cnt stop it...i thought when school reopens everything will be ok but i am sorry i still cnt, really sorry..
Tomorrow i have to put on that mask again and i dread it...
Can everything go back to the same as before?
I really hate the life i am leading now, my life sucks...
I still love you..
Hope you are ok
School sucks today, everything sucks. In the morning the whole class came to school early as we thought our class will start at 8, instead it started at 9..stupid lah, make us go to school so early for nothing. And our new timetable really sucks, 3 days of 8 to 5 again, i am gonna die...This semester we are going to take 4 new modules, that are Hospitality Sales & Marketing(HSM)(Elvin Tan), Life Skills(LPD)(Saadiah), House Keeping(HSK)(Deon Goh) and Entrepreneurship(EPS)(Francis). I see liao i sian -__- ...sigh...its gonna be tough. But i will just have to go on, go all the way ba:) Had assembly then we were dismissed, went to JE to eat with Tofus, then head home:) I hate school nowdays..:( And i feel that our class is different its not the same anymore, the atmosphere is different, just one holiday changed everything.
A mask is an essential thing i need now, when i go to school. When i stepped into school today i thought that everything will be ok, i don't have to scared, but actually i am just bluffing myself. Actually feel scared when i am steping into the canteen as i am afraid that i will see him, but luckily he is not there..phew... The laughter and the smile i had on my face just now were all fake, my heart is hurting badly inside but i don't want him to see it, so i have to put on that 'happy' mask in school. I really feel terrible putting on that mask, i have to smile even when i am crying inside, fuck...it really hurts..
I thought that i will be able to hide, but i still broke down before school ends and in front of them...i tried my best but still i just can't. I am sorry tofus, i really cnt take it anymore, my tears are flowing out just like that again, and i am back to where i was 2 weeks before. I feel like crying again again and again, i thought i had move on a little but the truth is i am still hanging there. When i saw him again today, i know i still love him, although i hate to admit to it, but i still love him...i don't know why...
What makes me feel worst is that he is behaving as though nothing happen, i should have expected that because he is not true to me and the relationship he had with me for that one month plus is just nothing to him and i am not his girlfriend just a girl friend or a substitute. I really wonder if there are any more good guys out there or any guy that will accept their girlfriend as they are...fat and ugly...Or they need a pretty girlfriend so that they will and can love them more and to show people that they have a pretty gf?
Wearing a mask to school everyday will be tiring, i look forward to the day that i can laugh and smile happily without faking it in front of him. Will that day come? And Tofus i may be shedding tears just anytime anywhere, don't be surprised ok...but don't woory about me i just need to cry it out again and i cnt stop it...i thought when school reopens everything will be ok but i am sorry i still cnt, really sorry..
Tomorrow i have to put on that mask again and i dread it...
Can everything go back to the same as before?
I really hate the life i am leading now, my life sucks...
I still love you..
Hope you are ok
what we could have been, 6:41 PM.
